What runs through my mind on a regular basis:
1. Why I am 22 and why I can’t be 25. Then I realize that I will be 25 sooner than later and that I shouldn’t wish to be older.
2. Why I can’t be done with college, because most of my friends just graduated. Then I realize that I am striving after a goal , something that is of value and importance and that time is not of the essence. Great things come with time and patience.
3. Why people care if you are with someone or not. I seem to run through guys like I am running through the sprinklers. It is always quick , exhilarating, and over before it began.
4. Why I ask so many damn questions. I ask so many that I lose sleep at night.
5. When I will reach my “prime” or best version of myself. I wonder when I will be at the best point in my life. I then realize that I will never be at my best. Someone who is at his or her best limits his or herself from achieving the best.
6. When I will graduate. I know that I eventually will. I just feel like I might have gray hairs by the time I graduate.
7. When I can leave this godforsaken town. Eugene is so small and the city is boring me. I want adventure. passion. love. pain. all of the world in close gaze. I feel like I am meeting the same person every time. Only with a different face.
8. When I can travel the world. I was born as a free spirit. I want to understand the world. I want to immerse myself in places that make me uncomfortable. That sounds exciting to me.
9. When people actually decide to care about each other. I always feel like someone is trying to gain a leg up on the other. That they want the other person to fail. Why don’t we want to push each other to succeed? Why do we hate? It is the reason why we have so may wars and no love. As hippy and Miss America as that sounds.
10. When I will have a deep and meaningful relationship with another person. Yes, I have had great friendships, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I would love to meet that ONE person, that just possesses my soul.
11. Why guys always want to send me dick pictures. Really. I don’t want to see your 9-inch dick. I have seen enough for my tender age. I don’t want to wear the excitement out by making it a common, everyday occurrence.
12. When I will stop floating through flings/love limbo. I seem to be finding myself drifting from soul to soul. I can’t seem to find one that I can call home. Or that I can give me magic in my life.
13. When I will learn multiple languages. I am on my way to learning my third language. Romance languages are my true calling. Me encantan las lenguas del mundo.
14. When will I stop wondering. I honestly don’t think I have an off switch. Let alone, a mute button. It is a constant, ever flowing, river.
15. If I will find “love”. I just want to grasp it. call it mine. Understand it. Disect it. nurture it. Demolish it. Sounds like an abusive relationship.
16. If I will become more open-minded. I always strive to open my mind, more so than the day prior. I want to elevate my knowledge and enlighten my idea of life.
17. If I will forgive every wrong. Is it possible to forgive and love? Yes. Every time. Yes.
18. If I will ever fly. I know I will someday.
19. If I will die soon. It may be tomorrow.
20. If I will ever become the person I want to be. I know I will. I believe in myself. And that is all I can hope and strive for. I believe in myself, so I know I will achieve great things.